Sorry… Did I have my kids too early for you, “grandma”?

Trying to arrange to go for a much-needed drink with my best friend (it’s been over a year since we’ve been anywhere at all without kids in tow) is like mission f*cking impossible.

Gone are the days when the furthest grandparents would get to is “over the road” for the paper. I have learnt over the past 2.5 years as a parent, that if i’m to stand a single chance of getting mum to babysit on a weekend even for 2 hours (i’m willing to back the wine) then I need to give her 6 months notice and be prepared to offer a bribe.

And it’s not just my mum, my friends have similar problems too. We are the generation that spent EVERY weekend “visiting” nanny/grandma/granddad at the persistent instruction of our parents. Yet, these same said people are now MIA from Friday evening until Sunday night when I will then receive one dry text: “Hi, hows the kids? x ”

(It’s the same text every week).

And what are they even doing ALL WEEKEND with their phones on silent? (Actually, I think I know the answer to that question and the thought of it makes me want to run into a wall.)

50 (or there about) is now too young to be a paper buying, horse race watching grandparent. 50 is the new 40. So while I’m cleaning up sh*t off of the floor and scraping sick out of my bra, these so-called “grandparents” are out there sipping rum and doing the damn thing! Living LIFE.

So, If your parents are around 50 and you’re thinking about having children; you might want to check with them that they are ready to be upgraded to “grand” status.

If you’ve already got children and have experienced the pang of disappointment when your parents have a more buzzing social life than you are likely to have for the foreseeable future, and you just need “that one time” to go and be “you”… then I am raising my glass to you as I write. You are still awesome and you WILL get that time eventually.

In the meantime – try to get the kids into bed, have a glass of wine and talk shit on the phone with your best friend for an hour. That will have to do for now.

(To my mum: I love you but I’ve got feelings and since I can’t go out, I need to express them; don’t take it to heart.)

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