My kids are out to get me!

I know for a fact that my 6 month old son is capable of sleeping for 6+ hours straight. He’s done it multiple times. Just not in my house at night. When he’s with me he generally wakes up every 2 hours and doesn’t go back to sleep on his own. WHY?!

If he falls asleep at 7pm I usually have lots still to do so won’t go to bed. But because I’m knackered I thought I’d go to sleep when he did today. No sooner than my head touches the pillow – he starts thrashing around in his cot. Then the grunting starts, I try to leave him to settle himself but he breaks out into a full blown cry which I can’t let him do because he’ll wake up his sister and then I’ll be well and truly stuffed.

Rocking, singing and cuddles won’t shut him up either. So I put him down on my bed and go to get his bottle. As soon as I leave the bedroom… SILENCE. He’s got the CHEEK to make me get up then instantly fall asleep in the MIDDLE of my bed! Hence why I’m now sat up blogging about him.

I’m certain that my children are out to get me. They don’t want me to eat or sleep or wash or poo or even talk.

Normally by 5am baby is awake. The ONE time he slept til 7am… Guess who decides they want to wake up at 5am crying? I’m sure they plan it between them. I haven’t cracked their code yet but I’m working on it.

It’s like they know what you’re thinking and then they just shut you down!

For example, I always go out with a full stocked changing bag but the ONE time (OK I was stupid enough to do it twice) I thought:

“I won’t bring the changing bag to get “A” from nursery, it’s less than 5 minutes away.”

You guessed it! Baby J decides to sh*t through his clothes. So I have to explain to the nursery staff that I’ve come out of the house with no supplies because I’m an idiot. And can I please borrow a nappy and some spare clothes. The second time…. I didn’t even bother telling them. I was too embarrassed. I just  continued holding him and walked home with a warm, wet arm.

My daughters just as bad. I’ve only forgotten to pack her spare clothes ONCE. And funnily enough that was the one time she wet herself in public! She went home with her rain coat tied round her waist.

She only ever DESPERATELY needs to do a poo when she’s seen me put my marigolds on. So then we have to run to the toilet. She’ll sit there for 20 minutes (I’m not allowed to leave her there, I’ve got to entertain her apparently) by the time she’s finished, baby J wakes up from his nap and so the slot for washing up gets completely missed! EVERYTIME. There’s no way this is all a coincidence.

And you watch now. I’ll creep back into my room to try to sleep and I bet you – he will wake up.  Aaahhhh… My life!


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