Welcome to… Daddy Take Over! The monthly series where Mr iMummy (or shall we call him iDaddy?) takes over the blog and shares whatever he likes! (gulp)
(You’ve GOT to read this one to the end otherwise you might leave thinking he’s a Nimwit.)
#3: All is fair in love and parenting?
The (cave) Man’s perspective:
I go to work 5 days a week (sometimes more depending on the rota) spending 2 hours travelling to and fro – that’s 10 hours a day im not at home! Yet I’m still expected to do the dishes, feed the kids, put a few loads of washing on, tidy up after myself; on top of maintaining a relationship with my partner, alongside managing all of my other commitments. Now im not saying that I do all of these things, (not by a long stretch lol) it’s virtually impossible, but the expectation is there.
Not to sound to archaic, but if I’m doing what a “Man” should be doing, i.e. providing for my family – surely anything more is a bonus? No? Yeah I didn’t think so either. Look, all jokes aside, we have to accept nature. Men are hunter gatherers, women teach, love & nurture. No role is less or more important than the other – they are just different.
iDaddy on HOLIDAY with friends *rolls eyes*
The female perspective:
I’m at home by myself with the kids all day, most days. I am the one who gets up in the night when baby J wakes up. I’m the one who’s up most mornings to give them breakfast. I clean, I cook, I wash, I teach – I do everything! Is it so hard for you to just chip in? Why is it always me who thinks of family activities to do? Why do I always have to suggest what to eat? Why do I always have to ask you 3 times to pick your clothes off the bathroom floor? Why? why? why? why?
To top it off, I work too! So don’t give me the “oh I work hard” speech – spend a week alone the kids, then tell me about hard work!
You are going where with your friends? Oh there as well! A third trip you say? And what about us? What are you planning to do with me? And the kids?
Thoughtless baboon!
iMummy trying to make time to blog… obviously.
What’s fair is fair.
The honest answer to the conundrum of fair roles in the family structure, is no. iMummy has a much harder job. She is the one who has to be super human, who keeps on going even when tired and sick. The one who holds everybody up and keeps the family ticking. Her sacrifices are more than any others. Rarely seeing her friends, who are most probably in similar situations with families of their own, making a lunch date an event carried out with strategic planning just to accommodate all the children. A stark contrast to how the iDaddy can meet up with all of his friends (who ALL happen to be single), go on European weekend trips, go to the pub to watch football, HAVE CONVERSATIONS and go and play football weekly – all with ease.
The only way to find a medium, is for the Dad to occasionally THINK – be mindful of the Mum’s daily struggles, take the kids out more to give his partner time to herself and be more proactive in their relationship.
The old saying “happy wife, happy life” springs to mind.
Love the idea of a Daddy Take Over! My husband comes from a very different culture than I, where his mother did EVERYTHING, shame, then he married me 🙂 … Luckily he has excepted his fate and settled right in. I must admit he does a lot!! Especially now that I am pregnant. Like you said, “Happy wife, happy life” 🙂 🙂 Thanks for co-hosting this week! xxxx #globalblogging
It’s so hard isn’t it? Both exhausted, whoever is stuck at home a little resentful of the one that gets to be out with friends!! I’m very lucky with my hubs….although he’s off on a ‘weekend’ with the boys that’s somehow five days long! Thanks for popping by the #bigpinklink
So true! I try to make lunch for my husband every day as well as the kids and me but sometimes the guy can help his damn self cause i have 5 other people I”m dealing with….We try to be a team most the time….
I love this. I don’t know how you manage to get iDaddy to participate in the blog writing. My husband would never do it unless I threaten him, I guess. You have given me an idea though…hmm..#globalblogging
Great post. I have to say I’m pretty lucky and the hubby does the majority of the housework when he’s home (works away for ten weeks at a time), but anything to do with the kids always falls to me. The thing is though, that’s not because he doesn’t want to. I just have my routines, I have to when he’s away, and he doesn’t want to come back and disrupt things and I just get on with it. He keeps telling me I need to ask him for help more but to be honest I’m not great at asking for help and it would be nice if he just took the initiative occasionally.
#GlobalBlogging
It’s such a balancing act isn’t it? I think as long as you both chip and help where needed it’s ok. I still do the lionshare even though I work too but that’s just the way it is in our house. I agree with trying to find more time to myself though. That certainly can be hard to come by!
Thank you for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again on Sunday x
I think I will get my partner to read this so he can see it’s not just me. I only ask for him to help with one chore once in a while without me asking him too. #Globalblogging
Great read!
My husband helps with whatever he can, and it’s important to teach the children that daddy does house chores too. However, as a mother, I’ll be forever the default parent, but this is something you just take as it is.
Great read!
My husband helps with loads and it’s important for both of us to teach the children that daddy can cook, use the vacuum cleaner too, and not just taking us out for a meal. However, as a mother, I’ll be forever the default parent, but this is something you just take as it is.
It’s so hard to find balance when kids come into your world. Being a mum at home is a 24 hour job which is tough and for the man it’s difficult to get used to not being able to kick back when they get home from work. Love the idea of letting the other half on the blog #globalblogging
Great post. My husband manages to slide down the chores slope and just as he’s getting the bottom of my patience and understanding does he go and do something amazing (like get take-aways). It’s the little things sometimes.
#globalblogging
Love this idea for blog – a dad’s perspective on parenting, household, motherhood…reading this post almost felt like I was listening to my husband;). It really is all about supporting, understanding and accepting each other.;)
My husband is lovely and would do anything I asked him to, but sometimes it would be nice to not HAVE to ask him! I think blokes just don’t see things the way we do. They are simple and see thing differently; eat, sleep, work, watch/play sport, have a poo, would quite like sex. Everything in between requires a little suggestion! *rolls eyes* #globalblogging
It’s nice that your partner appreciates all you do for your family. Make sure he does give you the time out you need! Life is about balance, particularly between the family members. No one is superhuman, even if they try to be.
What a fun post idea. We both work outside the home, but I also blog and am (what I call) the “Primary Parent”. All that means is that the kids always want me. And I do most of the laundry, cleaning, and other household tasks. It’s exhausting, but hubby works a lot more than me, and brings home more $$. Really I don’t mind, I like being the one the kids ask for for help/clean clothes, and food. 😉
~Jess
#GlobalBlogging
Ah I’m in this place too. I will for my husband to notice and organise to take me out somewhere but I just as well hope to grow a 3rd arm to be honest. I ask him and he says ‘who’s gonna have the kids’ sheesh. #GlobalBlogging
“happy wife, happy life” my husband says that quote all the time. glad that your husband notices and appreciates that you do a much harder job raising your little ones. #globalblogging
The daddy take over is such a wonderful idea for your blog. And also a very interesting read. I loved what your said about mothers, so true.
#Globalblogging
Very true it takes two! It feels good to know that ones OH is mindful, I don’t always remember to thank J, but in so many small gestures he shows love and appreciation and that means the world! xx #globalblogging
I agree with iDaddy in *general.* Many men are of the traditional hunting/gathering mindset, but I also know of more and more men who are embracing their nurturing side. Gender roles are evolving slowly! (Now iDaddy, between you and me, you should call up iMummy’s besties and arrange a little weekend getaway for her and her girls. A wonderful Valentine’s present!) #GlobalBlogging
I do sometimes stop and think to myself when I am nagging at Mr Nursery Whines to get off the sofa and pour me a glass of wine now the baby is FINALLY in bed, that he has been at work all day to win the bread. Yes, he needs to think sometimes and give me a break. But breadwinners don’t have a totally easy life either. #GlobalBlogging
This is so true! Now that the twins are at school I feel we have a good balance. The hubby goes out to work while I look after the day to day running of the house and sorting the kids. But when he gets home we are a team and manage it all together x #GlobalBlogging
I’m glad you included the warning about reading to the end! We’re all in it together. It should be less about whose life is harder and more about what we can do to help eachother. #GlobalBlogging
Myself and my husband, have always been partners, when it comes to running the house, we both were self employed ( unfortunately, due to ill health, I am unable to work now and hubby is my carer) ,Alec has always done all the cooking, as he enjoys it and I don’t and the rest, including taking care of the children, we shared between us#eatsleepblogRT
Its great that you found a balance. I suppose we are still working out whats “fair” as are schedules are so different. I saw we both just get stuck in! Thanks for stopping by x
I love this. Me and my husband are forever moaning at each other that we’re too tired to do this that or the other. We have a bit of a role reversal though. I’m the career one, and he’s the full-time stay-at-home-parent.
I still do all of the evening meals, some weekend housework when I can, and deal with the nighttime wake-ups. But hubby is up at 5/6/7am or whatever time it is everyday with the little man, and spends the day chasing after and entertaining him – he’ll also generally deal with the housework during the day. Yet we both still moan at each other for not doing “enough”, even though we know we do our best. All is fair as you say! Plus, it’s always interesting to see it from both sides! 🙂 #KCACOLS
It’s such a balancing act isn’t it with who does what and who goes out to work versus who stays at home to work. Anyone who has got it completely sussed could make a fortune by selling it to the rest of us:) What works for some isn’t for everyone. I sometimes get stressed if I have got helped so I guess we are sometimes not easy to please ourselves:)
Mainy
#KCACOLS
I love this post 🙂 I’m a working mom and still has chores to do at home. Good thing my husband helps me in taking care of the kids.. Moms need me-time and real conversations with friends. Thank God for reliable and understanding husbands! 🙂
imummyblog 
It sounds like I am one lucky lady with the hubby I have. Marriage is a partnership where we work together. #globalblogging
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Love the idea of a Daddy Take Over! My husband comes from a very different culture than I, where his mother did EVERYTHING, shame, then he married me 🙂 … Luckily he has excepted his fate and settled right in. I must admit he does a lot!! Especially now that I am pregnant. Like you said, “Happy wife, happy life” 🙂 🙂 Thanks for co-hosting this week! xxxx #globalblogging
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s so hard isn’t it? Both exhausted, whoever is stuck at home a little resentful of the one that gets to be out with friends!! I’m very lucky with my hubs….although he’s off on a ‘weekend’ with the boys that’s somehow five days long! Thanks for popping by the #bigpinklink
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#GlobalBlogging
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So true! I try to make lunch for my husband every day as well as the kids and me but sometimes the guy can help his damn self cause i have 5 other people I”m dealing with….We try to be a team most the time….
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I love this. I don’t know how you manage to get iDaddy to participate in the blog writing. My husband would never do it unless I threaten him, I guess. You have given me an idea though…hmm..#globalblogging
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We all deserve down time. I mostly sort the house and kids out, but when hubby is off (he works shift work) he steps in and helps out. #globalblogging
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I loved this! It’s really interesting to hear the different perspectives #twinklytuesday
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Great post. I have to say I’m pretty lucky and the hubby does the majority of the housework when he’s home (works away for ten weeks at a time), but anything to do with the kids always falls to me. The thing is though, that’s not because he doesn’t want to. I just have my routines, I have to when he’s away, and he doesn’t want to come back and disrupt things and I just get on with it. He keeps telling me I need to ask him for help more but to be honest I’m not great at asking for help and it would be nice if he just took the initiative occasionally.
#GlobalBlogging
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Understanding husbands who share the responsibilities of running a home are a godsend. #globalblogging
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Great read. I love reading a males perspective! #globalblogging
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It’s such a balancing act isn’t it? I think as long as you both chip and help where needed it’s ok. I still do the lionshare even though I work too but that’s just the way it is in our house. I agree with trying to find more time to myself though. That certainly can be hard to come by!
Thank you for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again on Sunday x
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I think I will get my partner to read this so he can see it’s not just me. I only ask for him to help with one chore once in a while without me asking him too. #Globalblogging
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I love this post, so true! Finding the right balance is everything, once you’ve cracked that you’re half way there. #GlobalBlogging
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Great read!
My husband helps with whatever he can, and it’s important to teach the children that daddy does house chores too. However, as a mother, I’ll be forever the default parent, but this is something you just take as it is.
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Great read!
My husband helps with loads and it’s important for both of us to teach the children that daddy can cook, use the vacuum cleaner too, and not just taking us out for a meal. However, as a mother, I’ll be forever the default parent, but this is something you just take as it is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s so hard to find balance when kids come into your world. Being a mum at home is a 24 hour job which is tough and for the man it’s difficult to get used to not being able to kick back when they get home from work. Love the idea of letting the other half on the blog #globalblogging
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post. My husband manages to slide down the chores slope and just as he’s getting the bottom of my patience and understanding does he go and do something amazing (like get take-aways). It’s the little things sometimes.
#globalblogging
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love this idea for blog – a dad’s perspective on parenting, household, motherhood…reading this post almost felt like I was listening to my husband;). It really is all about supporting, understanding and accepting each other.;)
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My husband is lovely and would do anything I asked him to, but sometimes it would be nice to not HAVE to ask him! I think blokes just don’t see things the way we do. They are simple and see thing differently; eat, sleep, work, watch/play sport, have a poo, would quite like sex. Everything in between requires a little suggestion! *rolls eyes* #globalblogging
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s nice that your partner appreciates all you do for your family. Make sure he does give you the time out you need! Life is about balance, particularly between the family members. No one is superhuman, even if they try to be.
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What a fun post idea. We both work outside the home, but I also blog and am (what I call) the “Primary Parent”. All that means is that the kids always want me. And I do most of the laundry, cleaning, and other household tasks. It’s exhausting, but hubby works a lot more than me, and brings home more $$. Really I don’t mind, I like being the one the kids ask for for help/clean clothes, and food. 😉
~Jess
#GlobalBlogging
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There was an interesting study recently about how husbands create an extra 7 hours of housework for their wives each week: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/husbands-create-7-hours-of-extra-housework-for-their-wives_us_56c72146e4b0ec6725e23e2c?utm_hp_ref=tw.
Just sayin’. 🙂 #globalblogging
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Ah I’m in this place too. I will for my husband to notice and organise to take me out somewhere but I just as well hope to grow a 3rd arm to be honest. I ask him and he says ‘who’s gonna have the kids’ sheesh.
#GlobalBlogging
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Great post – it’s all give and take and we’re in it together.
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“happy wife, happy life” my husband says that quote all the time. glad that your husband notices and appreciates that you do a much harder job raising your little ones. #globalblogging
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The daddy take over is such a wonderful idea for your blog. And also a very interesting read. I loved what your said about mothers, so true.
#Globalblogging
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Very true it takes two! It feels good to know that ones OH is mindful, I don’t always remember to thank J, but in so many small gestures he shows love and appreciation and that means the world! xx #globalblogging
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I agree with iDaddy in *general.* Many men are of the traditional hunting/gathering mindset, but I also know of more and more men who are embracing their nurturing side. Gender roles are evolving slowly! (Now iDaddy, between you and me, you should call up iMummy’s besties and arrange a little weekend getaway for her and her girls. A wonderful Valentine’s present!) #GlobalBlogging
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I do sometimes stop and think to myself when I am nagging at Mr Nursery Whines to get off the sofa and pour me a glass of wine now the baby is FINALLY in bed, that he has been at work all day to win the bread. Yes, he needs to think sometimes and give me a break. But breadwinners don’t have a totally easy life either. #GlobalBlogging
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Being mindful is a good way to put it. I work so hard at home with the three kids and all I ask is that it is recognized! haha #GlobalBlogging
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Yup. It takes two! I don’t think either one has it easier, either. #globalblogging
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popping back in from #globalblogging
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Very true! And I think you do have a happy wife and life with that view on sharing. #globalblogging
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This is so true! Now that the twins are at school I feel we have a good balance. The hubby goes out to work while I look after the day to day running of the house and sorting the kids. But when he gets home we are a team and manage it all together x #GlobalBlogging
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad you included the warning about reading to the end! We’re all in it together. It should be less about whose life is harder and more about what we can do to help eachother. #GlobalBlogging
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You’re absolutely right. I think we spend too much time comparing our selves! Thanks for reading x
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Myself and my husband, have always been partners, when it comes to running the house, we both were self employed ( unfortunately, due to ill health, I am unable to work now and hubby is my carer) ,Alec has always done all the cooking, as he enjoys it and I don’t and the rest, including taking care of the children, we shared between us#eatsleepblogRT
LikeLiked by 1 person
Its great that you found a balance. I suppose we are still working out whats “fair” as are schedules are so different. I saw we both just get stuck in! Thanks for stopping by x
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I love this. Me and my husband are forever moaning at each other that we’re too tired to do this that or the other. We have a bit of a role reversal though. I’m the career one, and he’s the full-time stay-at-home-parent.
I still do all of the evening meals, some weekend housework when I can, and deal with the nighttime wake-ups. But hubby is up at 5/6/7am or whatever time it is everyday with the little man, and spends the day chasing after and entertaining him – he’ll also generally deal with the housework during the day. Yet we both still moan at each other for not doing “enough”, even though we know we do our best. All is fair as you say! Plus, it’s always interesting to see it from both sides! 🙂 #KCACOLS
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Great partners are total game changers- this is a brilliant blog idea!
#eatsleepblogrt
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Totally agree. He is a great partner, he wrote my perspective better than I could’ve written it myself lol Thanks for stopping by!
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I’m pretty lucky that my wife stays at home. I was pretty crap at helping out before we had a baby and she worked too. #kcacols
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Haha, I’m sure theres at least one thing your good at? Even if its taking out the trash! Thanks for reading!
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It’s such a balancing act isn’t it with who does what and who goes out to work versus who stays at home to work. Anyone who has got it completely sussed could make a fortune by selling it to the rest of us:) What works for some isn’t for everyone. I sometimes get stressed if I have got helped so I guess we are sometimes not easy to please ourselves:)
Mainy
#KCACOLS
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So true! I guess we will be figuring it out for the rest of our lives.
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I love this post 🙂 I’m a working mom and still has chores to do at home. Good thing my husband helps me in taking care of the kids.. Moms need me-time and real conversations with friends. Thank God for reliable and understanding husbands! 🙂
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So true. We all need a break sometimes!
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